I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
