i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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