Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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