just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
