Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
