Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
