Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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