either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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