He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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