FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
