Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
