I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
