oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
porn star boner night. come get it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
