god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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