By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
