your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
