Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
