everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
