Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
