You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
