hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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