I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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