Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
