it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
