So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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