Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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