Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
