we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
