Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
