He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
