im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
