checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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