Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
