not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
