and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
