my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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