yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
