I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize