Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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