**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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