isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
