i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
