**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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