eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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