New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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