it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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