I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize