i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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