get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
