when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
