I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.