Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?