Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"