And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.