my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left