white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.