Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.