It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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