I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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