nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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