I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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