My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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