Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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