Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Randomize
