Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize