my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
