i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's get the cat blown out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
