What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You can't motorboat a personality
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
