She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
