when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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